Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

This week – I can’t even begin.

There’s just been so much going on.

If you want a better articulated version of my week visit TeaTimeTails.

The one thing that’s kept me slightly sane has been the prospect of a long weekend (which means football!!!) and the sage advice from the latest Tina Fey produced TV show ‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’.

Like nearly every other person who’s written about this series on the Internet, I watched it all in one night and have a really strong desire to watch it all again.

If you don’t live in the US, or pretend you live in 90210 like we do to watch US Netflix you may have not have seen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt but the basic premise is this. After 15 years of living in a hole with a cult leader, they’re rescued and instead of returning her life before, Kimmy takes her Unbreakable spirit and starts a life in New York.

It’s not all smooth sailing. It is a television show and there is a narrative to drive. Naturally there’s conflict and hard times and Kimmys strategy is one that I’ve employed this week.

“You can handle anything for 10 seconds.”

10 seconds at a time. Then another 10 seconds. Then another 10 seconds.

That’s been this week. 10 seconds at a time.

The theme song is also catchy as anything. So that absolutely had to go on a cuff. With a little 10 as a secret reminder to take things 10 seconds at a time.

But if you can watch Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt – do so immediately!

It started off so well.

– The colour is beautiful (why thank you I dyed it myself),
– The cat photobombing is freakin adorable
– The mindless garter is perfect watching all of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt in one night,

and then came the lace……. (use your most ominous tone. I suggest the voice of Cecil Baldwin)

The pattern is Nurmilintu by Heidi Alandar and it’s lovely. The pattern is well set out, the finished pictures look great, and even the finished items from other people look great.

So why oh why am I having so much trouble with this?

There’s only one answer I can come up with.
I can’t count.

Maybe my pre-primary teacher felt sorry for me and passed me instead of holding me back.

Perhaps by the time I was in high school doing calculus my parents had written letters to my teachers warning them to not shatter my illusions of being able to count.

Is this like my colour vision and I’m just suddenly realising that actually there is no such number as the number 7 and it’s all a figment of my imagination?

I honestly believed I could count, but for some bizarre unknown reason whenever I do any kind of counting in this pattern it doesn’t add up. (Pun well and truly intended.)

I counted 3 times (if there even is a number three) that I had the correct number of stitches before starting the first lace part.

Even after the first row I had the right number of stitches left and followed the chart exactly.
But the lace section just does not look right. It’s nothing like the pictures and I can’t work out how.

Then (and this is some seriously wack shit…. ) I counted the number of stitches I had AFTER completely the lace section and I had LESS than what the pattern said I should have had BEFORE I started the lace section?? But I still have increased the pattern????? (All my twitter followers have just had a collective moment of ‘OHHH!!! That’s what Bek was yelling about last night!”)

I just don’t know. I really don’t. I’m flummoxed.

It’s definitely not getting frogged. In spite of my inability to count I’m still in love with it already.
I shall call it a design feature and flaunt it.