Knitting saved my life.
I believe this to be true.
My brain tells me lies.
It tells me that I’m not good enough, that no one wants me, no one could ever love me, the whole world is against me and I am stupid and ugly and mean and cruel and a terrible person.
My brain tells me these things daily.
I take medication to make me remember that my brain isn’t working properly. Most people don’t have their brain constantly telling them that they’re worthless and everything would be better off without them. Most days it works and these thoughts don’t consume me like they did before I found the right medication. Then there are other days when the lies my brain tells me get through to me and I have to be strong enough to not believe them. And I’m not always that strong.
Knitting helps me not believe the lies.
It shuts down my brain. I can knit and make things and my brain can’t lie to me because I can see it with my own eyes that I can knit. I can make things. I can make fucking awesome things!
Having something tangible that I can hold makes some of those lies go away.
Not always, but some of those days where I’m in a depressive state and all my strength is taken up by moving from the bed to the couch, I can pick up some knitting and make something. I can knit.
I can knit. My brain can’t tell me that what I make doesn’t exist.
That’s why I think knitting saved my life. If I didn’t have that crutch to fall back on, that tangible evidence that makes me realise that my brain lies to me…….
*this is a post for the 6th annual knitting & crochet blog week hosted by ekimimi makes. To see other posts on this topic search #6KCBWDAY2
7 thoughts on “#6KCBWDAY2 – all about me”
Great post! Being a stay at home mom to 4 children my days are filled with lots of busy work that goes nowhere, mopping floors, laundry, cooking, homework. ..it never ends or gets finished. Knitting is sometimes the only tangible thing I feel I accomplish in the day.
I get it.
Your brain and my brain should go on holiday. Preferably somewhere with lots of yarn shops. I wish mine had an off switch. I started, and had to frog, a simple beanie 3 times today! The 4th time there was a join in the yarn, so I gave up and went to bed. Maybe I can’t even knit?
Awww such a beautiful post ! Indeed you achieve wonderful things ! I completely understand you as my brain also tends to play tricks on me, but sadly due to a neurologic disease I had to give up knitting, I’m heartbroken and wondering what to do with my (shaking) hands instead now. Please keep knitting and showing the world how talented you are !
Oh I was not expecting this. You always come across as so confident to me. I do, however, completely understand. Knitting and crochet saved my life and possibly prevented my husband from having to put my brain in a boiled wash! Remain strong. Xxx
I am so happy that your knitting allows your brain to switch off with all those horrible nasty thoughts that arent true. Sometimes it takes a while for medications to work on those horrid days when you dont want to get up and do anything, just lie there and hope for a better place to be in. I am consumed by knitting now and have suffered from mental health issues since I was about 15 which comes and goes, until something horrible happens and it starts over again. I so wish that sometimes it would be easier to manage but at the moment I am in a happy place, and I hope that you have much nicer days too.
I feel exactly the same way about knitting and my bipolar brain. You put it beautifully here. Thanks for sharing x
Thank you for sharing something so personal. My heart goes out to you. I know where you’re coming from, so anything you do is a “eff you brain!” I was in an abusive relationship, so I heard the words all the time and they’re still in my brain. Spinning, crocheting and knitting has saved my life too. *HUGS*