Knitting saved my life.
I believe this to be true.
My brain tells me lies.
It tells me that I’m not good enough, that no one wants me, no one could ever love me, the whole world is against me and I am stupid and ugly and mean and cruel and a terrible person.
My brain tells me these things daily.
I take medication to make me remember that my brain isn’t working properly. Most people don’t have their brain constantly telling them that they’re worthless and everything would be better off without them. Most days it works and these thoughts don’t consume me like they did before I found the right medication. Then there are other days when the lies my brain tells me get through to me and I have to be strong enough to not believe them. And I’m not always that strong.
Knitting helps me not believe the lies.
It shuts down my brain. I can knit and make things and my brain can’t lie to me because I can see it with my own eyes that I can knit. I can make things. I can make fucking awesome things!
Having something tangible that I can hold makes some of those lies go away.
Not always, but some of those days where I’m in a depressive state and all my strength is taken up by moving from the bed to the couch, I can pick up some knitting and make something. I can knit.
I can knit. My brain can’t tell me that what I make doesn’t exist.
That’s why I think knitting saved my life. If I didn’t have that crutch to fall back on, that tangible evidence that makes me realise that my brain lies to me…….
*this is a post for the 6th annual knitting & crochet blog week hosted by ekimimi makes. To see other posts on this topic search #6KCBWDAY2